Toddlers Are A Holes

Author: Bunmi Laditan
Publisher: Workman Publishing
ISBN: 9780761185758
Size: 13.66 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Docs
View: 20

Toddler a**holery is a normal part of human development—not unlike puberty, except this stage involves throwing food on the floor and taking swings at people who pay your way in life. For parents of toddlers, it's a "you better laugh so you don't cry" period. Bunmi Laditan's hilarious, satirical guide to toddlerhood offers parents instant (and very welcome) comic relief—along with the very good news that "It's Not Your Fault." Chapters cover the cost of raising a toddler, feeding your toddler, potty-training, tantrums, how to manage the holidays, and "how not to die inside." Parents will see themselves in the very funny sections on taking your toddler to restaurants ("One parent will spend their time walking your toddler around the restaurant and outside like a cocker spaniel, while the other, luckier parent will eat alone."), Things You Thought You'd Never Say That You Now Say As a Parent of a Toddler ("I can tell you're pooping because your eyes are watering."), and how to order pizza ("Spend $40 on pizza delivery. Listen to your toddler cry for 30 minutes about how the pizza is all wrong. Watch your toddler take a small bite of crust. Google 'can anger give you a heart attack?' Start the bedtime routine."). Laditan's wildly funny voice has attracted hundreds of thousands of fans of Honest Toddler on social media; here she speaks parent-to-tired-parent, easing the pains and challenges of raising toddlers with a hefty dose of adult humor and wit.

Toddlers Are A Holes

Author: Bunmi Laditan
Publisher: Workman Publishing
ISBN: 9780761185642
Size: 17.57 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
View: 86

Presents a humorous guide to raising a toddler, covering such topics as feeding, potty-training, tantrums, managing the holidays, and "how not to die inside." --Publisher's description.

Toddlers Are A Holes

Author: Sopha King Tyerd
Publisher:
ISBN: 0990592898
Size: 11.95 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
View: 18

Toddler A**holery is a normal part of human development. It's like puberty but focuses mainly on throwing food on the floor and taking swings at people who pay your way in life. Reader, never ever blame yourself for your toddler being an a**hole to you. Toddlers are beautiful, kind, and wonderful to people who are not in primary custody of them. There's a reason toddlers are at their peak cuteness: it's because nature knows that toddlerhood is when you are most likely to take your child to a public park and leave them there with a note that says, "I'm a little $hit and they couldn't take it anymore." Hide in the bathroom and read this hilarious, satirical guide for instant comic relief from cutting toast into perfect triangles.

I Heart My Little A Holes

Author: Karen Alpert
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 9780062341617
Size: 17.86 MB
Format: PDF, Mobi
View: 25

Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

Reasons My Kid Is Crying

Author: Greg Pembroke
Publisher: Three Rivers Press
ISBN: 9780804139847
Size: 11.67 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
View: 44

A glimpse into the tribulations of parenting that is part documentary, part therapy, and completely hilarious. It all started when busy father Greg Pembroke posted a few pictures online of his three-year-old son, mid-tantrum, alongside the reason his son was crying: He had broken his bit of cheese in half. In Reasons My Kid is Crying, Greg collects together photos sent from parents around the world, documenting the many, completely logical reasons why small children cry. Among them: “I let him play on the grass” . . . “He ran out of toys to throw into his pool” . . . “The neighbor’s dog isn’t outside”. The result is both an affectionate portrait of the universal, baffling logic of toddlers—and a reminder for burned-out parents everywhere that they are not alone.

Seriously Just Go To Sleep

Author: Adam Mansbach
Publisher: Akashic Books
ISBN: 9781617753497
Size: 17.54 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Mobi
View: 46

"Now there's a version, complete with more of the gorgeous, yet weirdly subversive illustrations. The best part? It's still funny. The rhythms, the plodding rhymes, the illustrations, the clever play on the overused trope of the world at bedtime -- they all work together to take Seriously, Just Go to Sleep beyond parody and into the realm where good children's books belong: things that parents, and children, can honestly come to from different places and enjoy together. I can imagine reading Seriously, Go to Sleep nightly, and even to the point where you're begging the child to choose something else (the ultimate compliment for a picture book) and yet still finding something to enjoy. It captures a different 'zeitgeist' of modern parenting." --New York Times "From the team that touched off the irreverent humor trend Go the F**k to Sleep, author Adam Mansbach and illustrator Ricardo Cortes, comes a new kid-friendly version of their instant comic classic. Seriously, Just Go to Sleep brings children in on the joke, helping them understand their own tactics and why their parents just want them to go . . . to sleep." --Publishers Weekly Critical success for the original Go the F*** to Sleep, a #1 best seller at: New York Times, Amazon.com, Wall Street Journal, Publishers Weekly, and many more! Seriously, Just Go to Sleep is the G-rated, traditional-sized, children's version of the book every parent has been talking about. Go the F*** to Sleep, the picture book for adults, became a cultural sensation by striking a universal chord for parents. Now, Adam Mansbach and Ricardo Cortés reunite with Seriously, Just Go to Sleep, inviting the children themselves in on the joke. As parents know, kids are well aware of how difficult they can be at bedtime. With Cortés's updated illustrations (including a cameo appearance by Samuel L. Jackson, who narrated the audio book version of Go the F*** to Sleep) and Mansbach's new child-appropriate narrative, the book allows kids to recognize their tactics, giggle at their own mischievousness, and empathize with their parents' struggles--a perspective most children's books don't capture. Most importantly, it provides a common ground for children and their parents to talk about one of the most stressful aspects of parenting. Seriously, Just Go to Sleep came to be when Mansbach read a highly censored rendition of the original book to his three-year-old daughter, and she recognized herself as the culprit and was delighted. "We were getting a lot of feedback from parents, saying that their kids loved the book--read in an altered form--because they recognized themselves in the character of the mischievous kid who's winning the bedtime battle, and thought it was hilarious. So we figured we’d do a companion volume that lets kids in on the fun."

Three Year Olds Are A Holes

Author: Sarah Fader
Publisher: Osiris Ink
ISBN: 1941065171
Size: 15.93 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Docs
View: 97

Once upon a time Sarah Fader wrote a blog post called 3-Year-Olds Are Assholes. It went viral on HuffPost Parents with over 400,000 shares on Facebook. This book tells the story of three-year-old Samantha, who is determined to make a rainbow. It features illustrations by Shari Ryan.